Back to Work

Yes, you read that correctly.

Mommy went back to the Bank yesterday.

This has been in the works for awhile actually but I kept it quiet. I began a new job with a new institution so things are quite exciting right now.

“Anyone need some money? Anyone want to give me their money?”

The newness of it all has given me a little EXTRA.

I’m not so basic right now:

  • I wore makeup and did my hair for two consecutive days.
  • I managed to avoid drool from getting on my black blazer today.
  • I’m feeling really good mentally, emotionally and physically!

When I began talking to this Bank, I was 8 months pregnant. I knew then I’d be leaving the comforts of my old job for something totally different. This did feel scary at times but my career took the backseat as I had two kids in 3 years.

Things happen in our life for a reason and this for me has been one of those moments. I needed to experience a challenge, one that doesn’t involve kids.

When I am not happy in my career, I get downright down. I’ve always been that way but the last 3 years have been all about my babies and marriage.

I decided in 2015 to take a less demanding role at my former Bank so I could have a predictable schedule, income and career experiences.

That may sound appealing for some but for me, it wasn’t.

I love to problem solve, meet people and of course, feel like I’m “winning” in my career and in family life. Sometimes it is much harder for some women than it should be to “have it all.

It’s not fair but that’s life.

MY TIPS for “Having it All:”

The Husband & Father of your Kids:

Sometimes men do have it much easier don’t they?

After all, they don’t have to physically give birth, recover and then lose almost all of their privacy (or dignity sometimes!)

As working mothers, we have to get up every morning before our men do. We just get up, get ready and try to look as beautiful as we can with the resources available to us.

Then we have to get the kids ready too, you know: feed them, take them somewhere and pay to be away for at least 6 hours a day.

Woman are expected to be/do so many things: be the best mom, work hard, earn a paycheque and then come home. Our emotional needs may be overlooked while some men think because they “helped out with the kids” here and there, our needs are met.

So not true (or fair) – Men should never say they “helped us out” when it comes to the kids. Those kids are his responsibility too. Often times, kids do want their mothers more than their dad which can work against us.

Get What YOU Need:

We need our alone time. We need to have our hair done. We need our girlfriends. We need satisfaction from places outside the home. We need good books. We need time to get ready. We need independence. We need adult time.

Women NEED to feel secure and they need to feel appreciated.

If we don’t (or at least if I don’t), I start feeling awful. My anxiety levels skyrocket and I start to feel edgy but I’m not saying my husband is awful.

Whoever is Home Makes Dinner:

Being a Mommy is a full-time role on its own, but considering most women who work full-time, they are expected to come home and be a fully engaged, happy, beautiful woman/wife/mother.

I express these feelings with a lot of passion because I couldn’t do my job without the support of my husband.

For example:

He cooks dinner every night because:

1.) he LIKES to do it

2.) I am not into cooking

3.) he WORKS from HOME

BUT: Just having dinner made for me and the kids helps because it’s one less thing I have to stress about.

Now if I could just get him to fold the laundry, I’d be set 🙂

Take Breaks

Take a break with yourself, a friend or your spouse.

When I went on a simple weekend retreat, I felt mentally and physically able to tackle the world.

The term “absence makes the heart grow fonder” resonates strongly with me, that’s for sure. If you don’t miss something, you may not appreciate it.

Maintain Personal Maintenance:

That’s right – get those roots touched up and commit yourself to a day of beauty.

Personally, I hate getting my nails done so I rarely do those things but nothing makes me feel better like a new outfit or pair of shoes. I usually spend about an hour getting ready from start to finish. I wouldn’t call myself high maintenance at all and I prefer it that way.

Minimal makeup, easy hair styles all translate into less time in the bathroom and more time for yourself.

Separate Finances:

Keeping a portion of your hard-earned money is extremely important. When you have joint everything, you may end up having to explain to someone else where the money is going.

Men don’t understand why we need to spend $200 on our hair every few months now do they?

A separate account for savings or chequing is highly advisable quite frankly because you don’t know what will happen in life.

This doesn’t mean you are setting yourself up for failure in your marriage but simply means you are looking out for yourself and your future.

If you stay at home, ask to be paid some sort of “salary.” Do not refer to it as an allowance because that’s not what it is. Stay at home moms work just as hard as working moms, if not harder.

Have a Support System:

If you are single or married, doesn’t matter. Every woman needs a strong support system of people dedicated to the well-being of you and your kids.

For me, those people include my husband, his mother, my best friends and my aunts. I actually talk to one of my dads sisters all the time. She raised three kids on her own while working (as did my mother in law!) and so they just get it.

Have a strong marriage is super important because your husband should be your best friend somehow. Let’s face it though; we also need good girlfriends (didn’t matter to me if they were moms or not) who are there for each other.

Sometimes we can only vent out our stressors with other women because they get it.

A strong relationship with your Mom and/or Mother In Law, sister in laws, whatever is extremely helpful because then you don’t need to constantly repeat stories and they just “get” you and situations.

Ignore the “Mommy Guilt!”

That’s right – just ignore it!

Unless there is something on your conscious thoughts that end up tormenting you, there is nothing to be done.

Some women have to work for a paycheque where other like myself, choose to go back to work early.

Going back early feels right for many moms, especially those who actually choose to return rather than being forced.

Sometimes, moms who may feel left out of the adult world, make this decision and it’s not hard to make.

BUT – it doesn’t make it any easier when some people toss in their own unsolicited advice design designed to be a little passive aggressive!

Here are a few questions I received when I went back early both times:

Q: Why would you go back so soon? You are being paid EI, no?”

A: Of course! But losing half my income and my bills don’t change (they get higher in fact!) doesn’t really make a year long leave comfortable and I don’t want to miss out on opportunities.

Q: “Who will watch the baby?”

Two things about this bother me:

  • Who cares who we have watching “our baby?”

Plenty of places take under 18 months and although that increase in cost makes me want to scratch my eye balls out, it all comes out in the end during tax season.

The question itself is condescending. I sometimes encounter women who believe daycare is a great way to educate their kids during the early days.

Not to mention the socialization, routine/curriculums and meal plan really help us out on a daily basis.

This arrangement also preps our kid for pre school/junior kindergarten. Both our kids are part time

Q: “Your daughter is only 9 months old. That is so young! aren’t you still breastfeeding for a few months?”

Maybe this woman is part of the La Leche League where they believe Breast is Best,which I agree it is.

However being asked that that question, especially by a pregnant, first time mom with a condescending tone, made me tear up a little.

I didn’t Breast feed my first because she preferred the fast method of the bottle but my 2nd baby, used my sources for 4 months. It was sad when she stopped but she loves her bottles and solids!

Unless you are not super as sensitive and want to talk about your “BreastfeedingJourney…” it is none of anyone’s beeswax.

Q: “Is everything ok at home, or Financially and/or marriage?”

Are we living our lives like they did 100 years ago when women only worked because there World Wars going on?

Why aren’t some women just allowed to work while being a mother? Doesn’t mean they love their kids.

Not sure why going back early would concern this lady who once asked me this when I returned at 4/12 months.

“Why give up free money?” She asked.

ME: “First off, nothing is free. We pay a hefty premium to have Employment Insurance.”

ME: “Secondly, my career is just as important as my spouse’s and we are making it work. He has been able to use the reminder of my maternity leave.”

Q: “Two kids eh! I thought you would be done in the working world. Assumed daycare would cost too much for you!”

ME: I could go real deep and tell the woman (who I actually know very well and adore) that this too, is not of her business but I digress.

NOT TRUE: It is none of her business but she is just assuming I would choose the most expensive, Montessori school possible.

TRUE: I for daycare based on cost being the best way to determine if it’s the best place for you. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad or have them assume you don’t make enough money to work.

In regards to not working after kids:

Pulling yourself out of the workforce, then few years later, you decide “it’s time!”

This is becoming a new trend and companies love the positive Public Relations they get from the Mommy Brigade! You can’t always go back to work, you don’t ever need to be finished.

Final Advice to the Working Mom!

You’ve made the right decision going back to work if you feel good about It.

The grass isn’t greener on the other side and if you leave your career for a few years, yes you can always go back, but unfortunately you may learn the heard way like I did; “those efforts will probably go unnoticed and won’t help you any of you have regrets.”

Going back early is a personal decision.

The Holidays are here! I hope everyone is having a great week. Take time for yourselves.

My last tip:

2 thoughts on “Back to Work

  1. addie north says:

    I love this post! I don’t have kids yet, but I’ve been battling with myself about what my career would look like after kids… And as you point out so well, there are no wrong answers! Everyone is different and had different needs for themselves and their families, and you can always change your mind later. Thank you for this honest and realistic point if view!

    Liked by 1 person

    • mommythebanker says:

      Your career focus does change and I had to demote myself back to a less demanding role for a few years because I couldn’t keep up with the exams I needed to write to keep my licenses. Now that I’m done having kids and we have a solid routine, I can handle it but you have to think long and hard. I didn’t have kids until I was 30. Married at 28. I LIVED my 20s and I suggest you do the same!


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