A few months ago, I disappeared into oblivion. I went from writing every few days to going private overnight.
Some of my readers (such loyalty, thank you) reached out to me to ask when I’d post again or if I’d come back to blogging.
Some of you may recall my posts about going back to work, along with the anxiety it was starting cause. Well there was that; and the soul crushing cost of two kids in daycare at $1800 a month – part-time, three days a week.
What I didn’t get to write because I had shut down my blog shortly after starting my new job was that I really didn’t like my new gig at another Bank.
Going back just early when my baby was 8 months old, was nerve wracking.
The baby was constantly sick throughout the Winter with endless colds and ear infections. In fact, we actually spent Christmas Eve in Emergency after her temperature climbed to 103 and she wouldn’t eat.
But the moment I realized my career in Banking was in limbo for at least the next 2-3 years?
We are having another Baby Girl in November 2018.
Yup; we had a big
accident, I mean “surprise!” come our way at the end of March 2018.
By the time I found out, I was already 10 weeks pregnant and truly had no clue. It was emotional chaos finding out about this pregnancy (again, for the 3rd time in 4 years) for many reasons; mainly personal, financial, professional ones.
About a month before finding out (when in fact I was already pregnant), we had gone through our inventory of gently used baby gear to give as a hand-me-down or donate them away.
We listened to Disney songs from Moana, Frozen and Little Mermaid as we did this, telling our girls stories about when they wore certain outfits while tossing some keepsakes aside. Yeah
As we did this; our kids surrounded their former stuff like little vultures; hoovering over us. Caterina got upset about giving things away; often throwing things back into her room.
We were done for good.
Birth Control maintenance was put on my shoulders for a few reasons:
I am basically allergic to hormonal birth control so that was out. I’m also a horrible procrastinator (mainly my own shit like Dentist Appointments and RSVPing to stuff) so when the time came to install a Copper IUD, I forgot about a booked appointment.
Truthfully, a lack of a period for 5 months provided a false sense of security which made
me us very naive. Just like those who think a pregnancy can’t happen the first time they have sex.
This baby happened right before my daughter turned one. By the time this baby girl comes in November 2018, they will be 18 months apart.
That’s like having two babies at the same time; changing diapers and bottles. Yes, my one year old still takes a “bubba” at night before bed and in the morning.
This is my 3rd baby in 4 years. Do you know what that does to a persons body? Use protection!
The timing is shit but here we are 19 weeks later; having another girl and living with a “Threenager” and a Level 5 Clinger – (kidding, they are lovely.)
I just couldn’t do it all and that’s OK.
At the end of April, I decided to resign from the Bank for the time being at least, so I can be home for my 3 kids which is a full-time job in my opinion.
My love for Banking, at one point, felt comparable to loving a child (before I actually had kids of course) but that “Love” burns out. My life had changed so much in these past few years.
I wasn’t loving my job any more plus trying to transition with a new company made it that much harder. None of the chores at home were getting done.
A build up of clutter can do horrible things in my marriage. Men expect their laundry to be done; folded and put away whereas I had clean clothes baskets lined up waiting for attention.
It has been a challenge transitioning home while grieving the end of my career.
Being a Banker had worn me down bit by bit for the past 10 years. Trying to balance motherhood with a demanding career placed a burden on me.
My husband and I made this decision together and right now, staying at home with the kids works best for us.
Our new baby is due in November. I am totally scared about having a baby and making this family of 3 but I am sure it will be fine!
My mom always said she hoped I’d end up with a daughter 3 times worse than I was growing up (I was a crazy teenager) and now I’ll have 3 daughters. Looks like she got her wish.
Thank you to all the people who have followed me. I may now need to rename this blog “Mommy the Ex-Banker.”