Anyone who knows me knows I don’t do things slowly. Having babies was no exception.
When I worked as a Banker, people would often remark on how quickly I walked, how fast I did things like processing a transaction or following up with them. I took pride in my ability to do whatever was expected of me quickly and accurately.
All of my births are extremely fast; read: “Two Births, One F’d Up” and I doubt this third one will be any slower than the other two. In fact I could end up having this baby on the bathroom floor if I don’t get to the hospital quick enough.
But what does 3 pregnancies in 4 years do to someone? How does it affect the body and mind?
I can tell you it’s not easy having 3 kids in 4.5 years.
The personal sacrifice has been immense. Having to choose between staying at home or making a go of my career has placed a huge burden on me.
I’m often told by people who have known me for years that they cannot believe I am going to be a mother of 3. I can’t believe it either.
My body is tired and worn out yet I must get up every day and have the energy to chase two kids around.
We actually just made the decision to send our oldest daughter back to daycare because she needs the structure of “school,” the socialization and routine.
She was fine at home for the first three weeks but then she started asking everyday; “where are we going today?”, “who are we having a play date with?”, “I want to do something fun!”.
Of course having two kids at home requires planning fun activities and play dates but it can’t happen everyday. People work and kids are in daycare or school.
Try telling a 4 year old that. She is changing emotionally and physically; every single day she does something (or says something) new where I can’t believe she learned that. It’s amazing to witness but along with that comes some growing pains.
She has been struggling between being a baby like her sister and a big girl now. Sometimes she has a meltdown because she cannot handle the changes. Her attitude is usually great but when she is mad, watch out.
There has been meltdowns about not having grand plans made for the day, no matter what I said to pacify her. She wanted to do something “fun” and going to the park just wasn’t “fun” enough.
My oldest has had the routine of daycare 3 days a week since she was 8 months old.
Taking that away has been a huge adjustment for her and for me too. It’s not that I don’t want her around but she needs the structure of daycare and truthfully I need the time to rest.
My youngest has just been an easier baby to deal with. She just learned how to walk and she’s an absolute joy. I had heard from others that the 2nd baby is usually easier which has been semi-true except she is a terrible sleeper, still waking up once or twice a night for a little bit of a bottle and snuggles.
Seeing the two girls bonding as sisters now makes my heart melt. We have dealt with some jealousy issues because obviously babies get a bit more attention. It hasn’t come easily but it’s finally coming together.
Back to the worn out body……
Being pregnant this many times in a short period has wrecked havoc on me in so many ways.
I feel OLD and tired. I’m 34 now so I now understand those people who say “Don’t wait too long for kids. You need the energy.”
This is entirely true.
Just as my body recovered; usually takes a few months to a year, I got pregnant again. Obviously the last one wasn’t planned but the first two were.
A permanent birth control measure will be put in place once this baby is born.
Physically, my lower back and tailbone always hurt from carrying the extra weight.
My bladder is fucked. I pee my pants when I sneeze.
I don’t rest enough so exhaustion builds up until I can’t handle it any more, then I end up breaking down emotionally because I am so tired.
My weight has fluctuated from being pregnant; going from my regular weight to gaining 20-50lbs (I gained 50lbs with my first and 30lbs with my second), then losing it all within a few months. This isn’t good for you even when you aren’t pregnant.
I don’t know how some mothers do it. It’s the hardest job in the world. I love my babies with all my heart and I wouldn’t trade this life for anything.
But – it’s fucking hard. And exhausting and expensive.
Mentally and emotionally, as I’ve mentioned on here before, I’ve struggled just like any new mother does. Things may look perfect on Instagram or Facebook but trust me, they aren’t!
Giving away so much of yourself to your babies can cause a lot of depression and anxiety. I am not immune to this and I plan to write more about that part of my life going forward now that I don’t need to worry about an employer finding my blog.
At the end of all this, I’ll probably look back and wish my kids were still babies and missing the experience of pregnancy but that will be much later.
Right now, I am just taking it Day by Day, trying to be the best Mother I can be. Even when my 4 year old tells me she hates me because “you didn’t make plans.”
Yup she says that. That will be another post I’m sure; “The Attitude of a 4 year old.”
I’d love to hear from you if you are thinking about staying home with the kids or hell would have to freeze over before you’d do something like that!
Thank you for the warm welcome back to blogging and all of your comments! I’ve missed this as an outlet to destress and vent!