Saying “Bye-Bye”

With about 48 hours to go, I don’t think it’s hit any of us yet that Mommy will be going away for two months on Sunday.

As there is no real handbook on telling your kids Mommy is going away for treatment, we have positioned it to our oldest who full well understands; “Mommy has to go stay with a Doctor for a bit but she will be back soon.”

We didn’t want me to just leave without saying anything so after a bit of Google research, it was recommended to just tell her a kid-friendly version of the truth.

Her biggest worries were “Who will take care of me?” And “Are there toys there?”

I imagine she is having visions of a big Doctors office with toys and maybe a bed.

I know it won’t be easy on Sunday when I have to leave them but I’ve spent my last week spending time with them as much as possible. Sometimes I start to cry when I think about saying goodbye and giving them a last squeeze. I can’t even imagine it yet myself.

Unfortunately this pending experience has reminded me of when I had to say “Bye-Bye” to my Dad, 27 years ago in August, but forever.

Although the actual memories I have of him have faded, I’ll never forget the experience.

I remember screaming out for him as we left the Church after the funeral. We then drove in a procession to his forever resting spot to leave him there. To make it somewhat kid friendly, someone bought a huge bouquet of balloons for my cousins, brothers and I to let go into the sky for him.

READ: Alcohol and Substance Abuse in Parentally Bereaved Youth

Leaving for two months will hurt but not as much as forever. I’m going to miss the rest of their summer; cottage trips, birthday parties and my daughters first day of school but that’s really a dent in a bucket.

The support I’ve received from so many of you has been extremely helpful and I appreciate all the messages I’ve received.

My last post was hard to write and even harder to publish but ultimately this is a problem for our generation. 1 in 6 people die from an opiate overdose and millions are affected.

I’ve been so lucky my addiction didn’t kill me; definitely feel my Dad protected me somehow in all of this while blessing me with the most loving, supportive family and friends.

It really is what they say; “a family disease” because I can tell you this has affected my family in so many ways. I’m the second person to go through this and it’s been devastating but recovery; although long and hard, is possible. I’ve seen it.

Although I’m confident my Banking career is over, I hope through this experience I can reinvent myself and possibly help others one day. This really can happen to anyone and it does.

This will be my last post for at least two weeks. I plan to keep a record of the experience which hopefully I can post once allowed.

Right now I am away at my family cottage watching my two girls play around without a worry in the world. We have been up here since last week, only coming home for one day so I could tie up loose ends and have an ultrasound.

Our third baby is kicking away, healthy and growing:

11 years ago, my now husband, then boyfriend of just a month came up here with my dog. He was a puppy then; bouncing around so full of life. Now he just sleeps all the time but he has always been by my side. He has been following me everywhere lately, trying to get close, as if he knows something is up.

I don’t want to miss a minute of them but for now, I have to. They all deserve better.

7 thoughts on “Saying “Bye-Bye”

Add yours

  1. Ange; I know this is most important to you, those who love you and those that Knew all along you would decide to tackle this challenge.
    I knew this day would come and I will be thinking of you, rooting for you knowing that you will have the strength to do this now and in the future
    Be well, be healthy and be strong, and remember we have to go slow in order to get there fast.
    keep us posted

    Liked by 1 person

  2. On April 19 of this year I was able to say I haven’t touched a pill or drop of alcohol for two years. I know you can do this too. 💛

    Liked by 1 person

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