Love and Other Drugs

Many of you who have reached out to me have asked a similar question about how my husband is doing with all of this, how supportive has he been etc. Many of you wanted to know;

“How does marriage survive something as serious as addiction?”

The answer isn’t so simple and I don’t have it all figured out just yet but I truly believe it all starts with the foundation; like how well you knew and loved that person before a substance took over their life.

It has been a long, winding road towards unraveling the various intricacies that come with addiction. No addict can truly explain exactly why they have done what they have done because really, they don’t understand it either. But they still have to take responsibility and accept the damage that has been done.

I’m lucky….very lucky.

The fact my husband really knows and loves the person inside has made my journey a bit easier. That’s not to say he hasn’t exploded with confusion and hurt at times because he has but with good reason.

Addiction in a marriage can be just like cheating. The lies that come along with it are devastating and they destroy the trust between husband and wife most definitely.

He has been hurt by everything and of course it will take some help and time to repair but ultimately the love he has for me and our family, along with knowing he wasn’t dealing with the person he knew and loved while in active addiction can be the new foundation towards recovery and repair.

He says it best; “I knew you were still in there somewhere.”

One of my best friends mothers, who dealt with a similar issue years ago with her spouse said it best: “I forgave him and stayed because I knew that wasn’t him doing those things. He did all the work to get better so we made it work.”

She has been there for me and allowed me to open up completely as she totally gets it. If it wasn’t for her reaching out to me months ago, I don’t know if I would’ve pursued treatment at all.

Yesterday was the first time I saw my family in two and a half weeks.

We had an amazing 3 hour long visit; there is a huge property here with a kids playground and so we took advantage of that. My oldest was so excited to be here and meet the other ladies. She ran around the house looking at everything and asking lots of questions.

The youngest clung to me and wouldn’t let me put her down. Any time I tried she would put up a fight so I mainly held her for the time. She looked like such a big kid now and both kids seemed to have changed even in just a short while.

My husband has become a “Super Dad,” wrangling two kids around every day to daycare, working full time and then doing dinner, bath and bed times. Thankfully our family has come together to help him out (and me too of course) in order to make this work and give him some breaks.

I was sad to let them go once again but as the weeks progress, I will have more freedom and time to visit. Next week I get to have a 12 hour pass so I plan on going home for a day.

That may be a challenge for my oldest who said last night before bed; “Mommy, I want to come live with you and those girls.” But she has been extremely understanding through this whole thing and has taken it better than anyone expected.

Making sacrifices for the ones you love is a part of life.

Recognizing when that person just isn’t themselves should be part of a marriage. For so long, we just kept on going even though clearly, one of us was struggling.

Sometimes we all need to stop with our busy lives and just ask each other: “Are you feeling ok?”

It may not be a huge issue like mine was but looking back, I was so caught up in everything else like my career for example that it was easier to push everything down and completely ignore the mental health disaster that was brewing.

We have learned a lot from this experience and can now recognize a few things that we ignored. We ignored them because sometimes it’s easier to just leave things alone but they do eventually explode. This doesn’t just mean addiction but depression, anxiety, really anything.

The place I am at had a lady who is a hairdresser come in to do our hair. Her open ended questions, along with an easy going personality, allowed me to use my time with her wisely. She herself battled addiction and it was an awful time in her life but now with 5 years of sobriety under her belt, she comes into this place to donate her time and experience. I connected with her almost instantly and couldn’t believe how easy it was to relate to her. I ended up cutting off 6 inches which feels amazing.

I hope one day I can use my experience to help people while donating my time as well.

Thank you to everyone who reached out these last two weeks with questions and their own stories.

As always, I am here to listen and learn as well so don’t hesitate to contact me.

Only 8 weeks left…..but who’s counting?

5 thoughts on “Love and Other Drugs

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