On the Pink Cloud

“On The Pink Cloud” is a phrase coined by recovering addicts for those in the early days of addiction recovery.

It is used to describe the overwhelming feeling of happiness, gratitude and intense well being.

A recovering addict released from the tight grip of their addiction can appreciate a euphoria of the natural kind as the brain heals itself.

As we move along from being called a “Drug Addict” to “Addict in Recovery,” many go through this point in the recovery phase.

Everything that once felt burdensome becomes new again; like a child experiencing the simple pleasure of an ice cream cone on a hot day. That simple activity a child feels gratitude for can describe my gratefulness for this new path I’m currently on.

Sometimes I actually stop myself realizing I am living rather than just surviving.

The skies look brighter, the trees are greener and everything just feels fresh as we constantly find new things to appreciate as if they were lost before.

I am on that pink cloud and I don’t want to get off.

Truthfully I never experienced this feeling during my previous bouts of recovery.

I was most likely “white knuckling” it; another term for those who are chemically sober yet mentally trapped in their addiction. It is quite similar to being a “dry drunk.” Those who aren’t drinking yet still act angry, confusing and out of control.

I am entering my 5th week here and so far so good.

As the program progresses, I’ve realized the 10 week maximum time line is necessary as I’ve only begun to scratch the surface of what led me down this path.

My days are spent with 6 other ladies from all walks of life and different stages of recovery.

We are have become amazingly close in these past few weeks and one of the girls I became closest to has graduated this past Friday.

We had been attending all of the optional evening NA/AA meetings together but she lives around here so we plan to continue that.

I’ve been able to go home on pass for the weekends which I feel helps with the transition back into the “real world” as it would be awfully hard to live in this protective bubble and then released to the wolves unprepared.

I love being able to go home and see my family. We do all of our usual things like walking to the park, hitting up the splash pad and enjoying the various festivals the park hosts.

This past weekend was Rib Fest while the prior weekend was the Festival of Friends. Seeing my little baby girl enjoy her first ride with her big sister almost made me cry!

I was totally exhausted by the end from all of the walking and it took a full day to recover but well worth it.

I’ve been reading almost a book every two days so I plan to post my Summer Reading List in the next few days.

I’ve been working on this list for about a week. I am loving my new library card along with all of the advantages borrowing books versus buying them brings.

Pregnancy wise I am doing really well and growing in size. With only 12 weeks left, I am now in the 3rd trimester and definitely slowing down.

The food here helps! We take turns in pairs making lunch and dinner here so I am learning a thing or two cooking wise. I haven’t ruined a meal yet thank god as I’m not the best cook.

Life is a definite improvement from where I was a year ago; even a few months ago.

I still have tough days where I feel anxious and overwhelmed with the task of recovery but I wouldn’t trade this for anything.

I didn’t feel that way before as the guilt and shame from my addiction ran so deep inside but the depression even deeper.

Thank you to my loyal readers who have been asking for an update post.

I won’t let another two and a half weeks go by without posting again!

I will leave you with a quote from one of the best writers there ever lived; Joan Didon:

“I think we are well-advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not.

Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind’s door at 4 a.m. of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends.

We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget. We forget the loves and the betrayals alike, forget what we whispered and what we screamed, forget who we were.

Joan Didion, Slouching Towards Bethlehem

4 thoughts on “On the Pink Cloud

  1. Angela Parker says:

    Great to read your doing well on your road to recovery!! I am happy to hear you are doing well and taking it all in. Nice to hear you are spending time with your family. Surely will make the transition easier! Wishing continued growth and peace as you continue this journey! xo Angela

    Liked by 1 person

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