Tonight is my last night at my “home” away from home and I’m so excited to go.
These past ten weeks have flown right on by.
It’s only fitting that my Graduation Day lands on my oldest daughters 4th Birthday.
I get to pick her up from school tomorrow for the first time and she doesn’t know I am coming to get her.
She will be so happy and I can’t wait to see the look on her face when she sees me. Then we will go home and I will give her some birthday presents.
A happy, healthy sober Mom is the best gift I can give her but a 4 year old can’t open that!
My first little baby is growing up fast!
She has become such a different little person just in these last 3 months. The love she has for her sister has grown tremendously. She takes her “Big Sister” role quite seriously!
While I was away, she often mentioned how she needed to take care of Daddy and her baby sister because “Mommy asked me to and she needs to get better.”
I know it wasn’t always easy for her because she really missed me but she stayed strong and is better for it.
We are all better for it.
I haven’t felt this emotionally and physically capable in years.
It was hard work; extremely painful at times but for the most part, I enjoyed the experience along with the process.
During these last ten weeks, I have met so many new people and built strong relationships with them.
I had never had that before; a real connection with a community in recovery which is one of the fundamental basics of building my strength back up.
Living in a house with 8 other women was amazing for the first month and a half until the women I started this journey with ended up graduating themselves.
Then it became a revolving door of people coming and going for various reasons: Some weren’t ready to do handle their cravings/detox/recovery, some didn’t like living in a community of other women or just they didn’t feel comfortable.
At any rate, the last four weeks have been the hardest but I managed. We had three new people come in last week at once which is a challenge since I’ve been here for 8-10 weeks already.
Our schedule consisted of morning and afternoon groups, chores, meal prep and cooking, off-site activities and meetings so my days were busy!
I went to NA meetings almost every day with one of the girls here and we became very close. I’m so thankful to have met her and the other residents I keep in touch with.
So what’s next?
I will continue going to the meetings in my own city along with Aftercare every Wednesday evening for a year up here at the house.
The benefit of Aftercare includes a 2 hour session with my former housemates where we talk about our challenges and recovery outside of this setting.
I already attended a session this week and loved it so I plan on continuing that even though it will be a bit of a drive.
I am so grateful and thankful…
Albeit extremely difficult and tumultuous at times; this past year has taught me so much.
I never imagined this time last year I’d be where I am today. I truly believed I’d just deal with how I felt somehow.
I didn’t think I’d be 33 weeks pregnant; about to have my 3rd daughter in 7 weeks.
I didn’t think my Banking career would end; giving me the freedom to seek treatment.
I didn’t think I’d be a “Stay At Home” Mom – ever. However, this is where I want to be for awhile.
Finally, I didn’t think I’d ever feel this good again; that my own feelings about my addiction and mental health would be validated somehow and acknowledged as an illness.
Recovery and remission will be a part of my life forever. That has been one of the harder things about addiction to accept because no matter how much time goes by, the illness can creep it’s way back inside and come out.
I’ll have to remain diligent for the rest of my life but that’s ok. I want to.
Thank you to everyone who followed my blog for my updates!
I appreciate all the messages and questions sent throughout these last 3 months.
I will continue to keep updating you all but for now, I’m going back to being a Mommy and getting ready for Baby #3!